It’s almost as if I used to be something.
Not saying that I am nothing now; it just feels that way. I have never been the most positive of people. My glass is always half empty. Pessimistic. Introverted. It’s a dangerous combination I’ve come up with for myself.
I’m still searching for a job. I feel so useless. Day, after day, sitting here. I fill out application, after application, my only callbacks from the one place I do not want to return to: the restaurant.
I’m not all that sure what is worse, the feeling that I have nothing after Friday’s, or the strange realization that Friday’s had become my everything.
Kind of pathetic. I revolved my life entirely around a job that I fucking hated because of all the money I was making ..
I can’t even remember what my dreams were. Like .. what do I want to be when I grow up?
A fucking server?
What the fuck am I doing? I can’t even answer that question for myself.
I’ve just been having a little trouble holding it together. I don’t know where to start to get it back.
Who knew things could get so discouraging? Not me. I had absolutely no idea how emotionally draining this all could be.